Death is Not the End, Daddy by Nate Allen

Author:Nate Allen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: fiction, supernatural, redemption, christian, thought provoking, teddy, john doe, nate allen

Matthew Mills

There is a pocket sized calendar in my car, stuck just above the radio. Every month has a short Proverb. November says this:

Proverbs 9: 11-12: “I, Wisdom, will make the hours of your day more profitable and years of your life more fruitful.” Wisdom is its own reward, and if you scorn her, you hurt only yourself.

Every sign is telling me to turn back. I flip to the next month on the calendar. Wisdom is the focus there, too. My quiet guide has become loud again. I’m tempted to turn back. Just trust, the voice is saying. Just believe.

It’s not enough. It hurts too much. I can’t just believe, not anymore. I have been betrayed by my Best Friend, and I don’t know what to do about it.

“You’ve taken my sons, Lord. You didn’t protect my daughter, even though Your word says that no harm will befall her. You are so much bigger than me. You are Creator, and I am mere creation. But, sometimes I think you just want to see what I will do. What will Matthew Mills do, now that his girl is gone? Will he stand strong, and just believe? It’s cruel to ask of me. It’s cruel for You to take our second baby, and then a week later, our daughter too.

“What am I trusting for? Is it just for the strength to get through another day? Is that all? Life is a series of worsening storms. You used to be my shelter. Now, I don’t know what You are.”

Sometimes it helps to speak out loud. Today, it only hurts. I’ll keep the thoughts inside. It doesn’t feel like Anyone is listening anyway.

My mistake was letting Marcy go to school this morning. Had I just kept her home, she would still be with me. I could have made her hot cocoa, and grilled cheese sandwiches, and watched Disney movies with her all day. Maybe Janet even would have joined us. My mistake was letting her out of my sight.

The Lord told me to anoint Marcy. I thought it was to protect her from the evil in our bedroom. That’s why I anointed Janet, too. Now, I realize it was to see if I would do it. It’s like the dream of dad’s resurrection all over again. I believed it could happen. I waited for it. And when it didn’t, I nearly drowned amidst the drifting.

The dream of dad’s resurrection was a promise You broke. The anointing of Marcy is just another broken promise. I am merely a jar of clay. You create jars of all different kinds, and use them in many ways. You picked up my pieces once, after I broke into countless, and put me back together. You filled me with the sweetest gifts: a wife, and a daughter. I was privileged, on a shelf many never see. But now, you have dropped me again. And I don’t know why.

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